THE SOUL SEARCH
INTRODUCTION
We see in our human existence that we can never be individualistic can lead a lonely life. Life gets its fuller form in the society. From birth to death we live in relationship. Amidst the larger circle as universe we form smaller circles of friendship. “One’s friends are the part of human race with which one can be human,” says Santayana.
Every one needs to have friends so as to know oneself and others. Webster’s dictionary explains friend as one that seeks society or welfare of another. He holds that person in affection and affection and respect. The definitions seem to say that a part of our existence is in another person. Friendship is really a great gift to the humanity with which one can climb up to greater heights. For Carl Jung friendship is like two chemical substances, in their reaction both are transformed.
An author says,” A faithful friend is a strong defence; and he that hath found such an one, hath found a treasure. Nothing doth countervail a faithful friend, and his Excellency is invaluable. A faithful friend is the medicine of life; and they that fear the Lord shall find him. Whoso feareth the Lord shall direct his friendship aright; for as he is, so shall his neighbour (that is, his friend) be also."
THE HEART OF FRIENDSHIP
Friendship really brings transformation in the loves of the humanity. I don’t write this because I read in the books but I experience it in my life. When I was down in my drums the world looked like a strange place. In times of suffering I thought that I am already finishing my run but it is all got transformed. I got a new start with the arrival of new intimate friends. Friendship has to be learnt from within us. Friendship has to be understood in clear terms. Friendships teach one to respect the other and help to form a very good conscience.
THE NEED FOR FRIENDSHIP
In this modern society we see people becoming more individualistic, independent, and self-sufficient. The need for relationship gets ebbed away. This causes a great havoc in the emotions of the people. We cannot handle our emotions all by our selves. We need the help of the other especially one who really knows us intimately, to console and to correct, to encourage and to direct to give the warmth of love and to support so as to feel that we are not fighting a lonely battle. Friendship grows out of shared thoughts, interests. Friendship is very much needed to avoid isolation. At time when we are alone and not connected with any one we tend to think that what ever we do is correct. This may mislead in miss understanding of values. The morality comes to the forefront if only they are two and more persons. We learn to live in friendship. We come to know of our strength and vulnerability in friendship. We come to know what we are in friendship.
FRIENDSHIP AND VALUE
In Kantian framework we tend to think that our desires, goals, feelings that have been set by our reason alone. More of personal and subjective thought. This is secularised form of Protestantism that salvation has been replaced by individualistic conceptions of achievement and success. This is deadly against the thought that friendship in the society as the source of meaning and value. A person grows in a family situation where they tend to think that their race is pure and their culture is the best one on the earth. He will surely avoid the other persons from different races and culture.
The person tries to devalue or demeans the other. This helps in no way in the growth of a person in the society. The very thought of being superior over the other promotes conflicts and terrorism. The person becomes more scrupulous and sarcastic. In friendship some times for good cause the subjective ideas have to be sacrificed this becomes the foundation of friendship. When one sacrifices his subjective thoughts for the objective value he is open to be more human in the society. Francis Beacon says that a life without friendship is wilderness.
FRIENDSHIP AND IDENTITY
Very often we project ourselves to our friends of what we are not than what we are. We think that if others come to know what we truly are they may not need our company. This in no way paves the way for true friendship. Only transparency strengthens the friendship. If we fail in any of our responsibility we try to escape by dumping the blame on the other. The act of blaming the other person nurtures hatred and vengeance. The real friendship reveals each other their identity. They form moral values to their code of conduct. They come to know each other and accept as they are. It give birth to real moral living.
ETHICS AND MORALITY
The golden command of Jesus is to love others as we love ourselves. We find a sort of synchronization here. That is, how others wish to be treated and, how we wish to treat them. When we fully neglect our goals and principles we become slave to the other, in the same way, when we place only our wishes and principles in the forefront we become selfish. As the human race grew up the thought of another mate also got developed. This slowly grew as group selfishness verses the other group. This has now grown up to national and ideological conflicts. This now haunts every one on the globe in the name of terrorism. In the name of uprooting terrorism some promote terrorism. Ethics and morality is of conventional social customs and ‘mores’. Ethics rationally evaluates the actions in the light of divine and natural principles. Morality differs from place to place. What is moral for a country looks immoral in another country.
When these two encounter there is confusion and conflict. How this can be rectified if only people do not become friends. The morals, the social conventions and customs, which are harmful to the humanity, have to be abolished. How come we know what’s good and what is not good if only we don’t live together? What are these norms and codes of conduct if there is no society? So friendship is the basics for moral consciousness.
RELATIONSHIP
The moral life is what transformation takes place in us and in our relationship with others. The more we care for the other or the more we show love and concern for the other the lesser our burden becomes. We loose our individuality without the presence of the other. “This is what genuine moral experience is, learn to appreciate what is not ourselves, and it is why friendship is such a fitting model for moral life. The discovery that is greatest of all is to discover that something other than us is also real. It may be other person, nature or God. The morality is further discovery of the other trying to learn more, to understand and deepen and appreciate what is not ourselves. This is not like slicing the butter job. This move is little difficult yet possible.
LET GO OUR EGO
Understanding others includes accepting their views. This process helps us to leave out some of our prejudices and biases. What we thought as justice may not be so in the view of the other. This is a task where we will have to let go our ego. Friendship draws us away from clutches of naïve understanding. This decentring our ego does not give any threat to our personal integrity but it summons to moral existence. The moral life lies in breaking the egoism for an invitation to hospitality. A famous author Ogletree says that it is our thoughtless, careless, sophisticated morality takes us back to egoism once again. We need to be alert on ourselves not to fall back.
ENCOUNTER THE OTHER
Every experience has an element called moral. Mc Donagh says that our primary moral experience is what happens to us when we stand in the presence of the other person. This experience of the presence of the other gives an invitation. If we refuse to respond we choose to keep away from moral life.
Morality works for the liberation of our selves such liberation we do not achieve in ourselves but from God who is also present in us and in other persons. My presence alone does not form a world. If I join with the other in love and charity I may recognize the otherness of God. Friendship begins in recognition and appreciation of the other. We achieve our self hood not in overcoming the other but in joining the hands with the other. Friendship is a modal for moral life.
I LOVE YOU
The moment we do not realise the other as part of ourselves we give birth to hostility. There comes threat and violence. Most often we misjudge people even at first sight. We tend to think that if I accept the other we may get changed. These are violent acts in one. The relationship is mixture of both the gift and threat but basically it gives trust and occasionally it also gives woundedness, hurt and unkindness. When we get our selves well knitted in friendship this woundedness later bring the relationship closer.
THE THREE PHASES
Mc Dough forms three phases in terms of friendship. The first phase is recognition. It is to recognize the other in their uniqueness. In this encounter we may come to know about ourselves too. The second phase is respect. This is to exhibit the goodness to others what God does for us. When we respect others we recognize our self-respect. In our nurturing, caring friendship our friends narrate to us how valuable we are to them. When they really fell our absence.
When they say that they can be nothing without us they hold us in high esteem. They value us the most. This assurance of our worth helps us to help others to find it in themselves. This mutual and reciprocal friendship forms the greater moral consciousness. The third phase is response it is breaking our shells to enter in to communion with others and that is where one says I love you. This means I value you the most. We desire to live together as community. This is the stage the subject realizes the fuller self-identification, self-creation and self-acceptance.
RECOGNIZE
In every one of us there is there is an inner longing to love and to be loved. We are people in waiting to be loved. We are waiting to be recognized and to be loved. The greatness lies in loving first rather than expecting love, which is very difficult. How can we love the other without experiencing love? This task calls us for a self-transformation. St. Francis prayed in this way lord give me the grace, first to love than to be loved. Jesus Christ went up to the peak telling love those who hate you.
He not only said this in words but also did it in his deeds by giving himself as a ransom for many on the cross. As a Christian one needs to find this friendship everywhere in the cosmos. St. Francis at a stage stated that love is not loved. How can we, as Christians get the moral consciousness in friendship? How do we love the love? It is in recognizing and caring the uncared to protect the un protected to up raise the oppressed. There are people in the world In need of attention in other words in need of love. They are dying silently screaming for recognition, a chance to be befriended. If we pay attention to these people we really give them their lives. Are we ready to continue the life saving mission of Christ in friendship and form a real voluntary morality in friendship. For Christians the acts of moral consciousness does not end in this immanent world rather it gives the continuing friendship with God in the life after. Let us proceed our victorious march.
CONCLUSION
The base to our moral living is in relationship. The willingness to be moral is well nurtured in friendship. As a Christian I view Christ life is also of a friendship life. He formed new code of moral consciousness. He could achieve that through the friendship he had with the people and the disciples. He came down to the level of the people and he was able to feel every pulse of their hearts. He the broke the inhuman codes and replaced them with love that is the love of God and the love of the neighbour. “No one has greater love than to lay down ones life for his friends”. Laying down ones life does not mean the physical death rather it is the death of the egoism. Here death means to live every day for the other. I conclude with the poem of Martial.
In all thy humours, wether grave or mellow,
Thou’rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow;
Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen about thee,
There’s no living with thee, nor without thee.
Man’s mind is not the same at all levels. It chops and changes. However a friend may be the greatness lies in accepting as one is. It is a task and it is never too late to begin.
BIBILOGRAPHY
Wadell,p.j. Friendship and Morality, America; University of Notre Dame Press, 1989.
James Moriel &Savery, M.L, The Heart of Friendship, London; Harper & Row publishers, 1817.
Mc Ginnis,L.A. The Friendship Factor, Mumbai;Better Yourself Books,2002.
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